[It's a good thing the Earl hadn't run off when he thought to. As often as Undertaker would let him to his own devices and leave Astre to do what he wishes, when he wishes, this is one instance where he would have given chase. It isn't often that he would ever do so, but he understands these feelings, the depths to which they can reach. And the severity of the pains that they can cause. Hurting the young Earl never sat well with him, more than anything when it was by his own hand, knowingly or not.]
Ah, give it time, my lord. They just haven't had the benefit of having known you your whole life as I have. We come from the same world, not like these others here. Who knows? One of them may send you tumbling head over heels one day and you'd never see it coming. It happens just like that, with anyone at any time.
[He might have just exhausted himself in doing so, and he knows Undertaker would catch up to him with ease. And probably quickly enough. He can't help that the urge is still there though, just under the surface and threatening to overwhelm him.]
What if they don't? [It's a question Astre can't help but voice.] People disappeared from Riverview and the Fleet all the time, some already have here. And I can't... express anything like this if we ever, somehow, end up back in England.
[There's a good chance of it, given Undertaker doesn't truly need to expend energy at all in order to move around. But for now, he'll content himself with cradling the boy and keeping him warm and comfortable, especially given that concern put to voice.]
That's true, but it wasn't any less true of life back in good ol' England either, now was it? Your fancies might have been frowned upon in the public eye, but behind closed doors, nobles get away with all sorts of things. You know this.
[He knows he's playing devil's advocate here, trying to show the boy a brighter side of things, but with as much as has been taken away from Astre all of his life, there's little he can say to make that better. It's no wonder the boy latched onto him, the one constant these past few years.]
I'm not trying to say don't pursue what you want. I only mean to keep your mind open to the possibility. I'll always be here for you, when and where I can, but I'm one man, and not even much of one at that.
[They do. He knows Druitt gets away with a lot, like when he'd tried autioning off 'Robin' and failing during the Jack the Ripper case. And the nobles that he found in Bath. And who knows how many others, he'd never gone looking to find dirt on anyone. Maybe, even back before they'd left England, some part of him really was still good despite the demons machinations.]
I'm not sure I'd have the courage back in England to try.
[He tucks his head in against Undertaker, closing his eyes. And then just a little smile.]
I don't think I can agree on that last part. I can try though, keeping an open mind. [A little sigh.] I don't want to lose you. I shouldn't have said anything.
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Ah, give it time, my lord. They just haven't had the benefit of having known you your whole life as I have. We come from the same world, not like these others here. Who knows? One of them may send you tumbling head over heels one day and you'd never see it coming. It happens just like that, with anyone at any time.
no subject
What if they don't? [It's a question Astre can't help but voice.] People disappeared from Riverview and the Fleet all the time, some already have here. And I can't... express anything like this if we ever, somehow, end up back in England.
no subject
That's true, but it wasn't any less true of life back in good ol' England either, now was it? Your fancies might have been frowned upon in the public eye, but behind closed doors, nobles get away with all sorts of things. You know this.
[He knows he's playing devil's advocate here, trying to show the boy a brighter side of things, but with as much as has been taken away from Astre all of his life, there's little he can say to make that better. It's no wonder the boy latched onto him, the one constant these past few years.]
I'm not trying to say don't pursue what you want. I only mean to keep your mind open to the possibility. I'll always be here for you, when and where I can, but I'm one man, and not even much of one at that.
no subject
I'm not sure I'd have the courage back in England to try.
[He tucks his head in against Undertaker, closing his eyes. And then just a little smile.]
I don't think I can agree on that last part. I can try though, keeping an open mind. [A little sigh.] I don't want to lose you. I shouldn't have said anything.